DreamZzZz

     I guess dreams are the aftermath of ones fears, specially nightmares. Everything that I put aside whilst conscious gets back to me as a dream double folded. Stuff that doesn't actually matter at all, I find essential whilst dreaming. WEIRD

 I remember saying that I've committed emotional suicide, and that's correct. But while dreaming, it totally isn't true! I can't intervene... since I ain't conscious. And that sux big time. I'd want to drink before I got asleep, or find myself passed-out. That way I ain't dreaming, and even If I do, I don't give a crap.

I hate it when I wake up from a stupid nightmare and whatever happens that day that remotely resembles what I've dreamed about, scares the shit out of me.

I'm getting bored easily. I mean it's like there are about 10 minutes a day that I can say I ain't. And sometimes less than that. It wouldn't concern me all that bad if my income was close to nothing(as it was a short while back), if I hadn't had time to do anything at all - as it is when I'm gone for work 2 months at a time - , I have the whole time in the world and still I haven't done much. I can honestly say that I've had more fun back when I hadn't had any money or time. I must be depressed. FML

Random.

    Feeling down ATM. But then again, I usually do. This time's different, tho'. I've stopped feeling as suicidal as usual. And by any standards this's a good thing, isn't it?

This is/was a big issue of mine... I always see the relativity in everything, the uselessness of living/doing/thinking/fighting... well pretty much everything. I dunno if it's because an imbalance of chemicals in my brain or that anywho has knowledge of what I do, get's to the same dark conclusions on every subject.

One thing gets me going tho' you'd be surprised to hear this from a 20ish year old but I really, really want to have kids!! As fucked up this world may be right now, and I bet more is to come... I feel this urge of just procreating with someone, not just anyone but anyone who'd have my specifications(vagina), and I don't ask for much. Altho' I totally could(I'm self-praising again)... But to be honest, I simply don't have time! And that's because I just can't move fast enough with these things, and alot of trust has to be build, in order for things to go smoothly.
Although... trust is debatable, and I've got one of the worst time-consuming/social-life-altering job there is, ATM. I will write more about that with some other occasion.

Meanwhile I'm thinking of how could I copyright everything I'm writing over here and also... what are the limits that I can stretch to with my own madness under these conditions. NVM I know that this is true, from within and as original as it can get. So nobody can take this away from me! 

Oky, I'll go eat/chill/sleep hopefully. As I slept 3 hours out of 30 and eaten some bad fast-food beforehand.

Cya.

Finally!

I feel as I've just committed emotional suicide(whatever you understand by that). To me, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel a changed man! I've created this blog 10 minutes after realizing it. I'm so sure of this, as I've never been IN MY LIFE! And this commitment makes me happy as hell! I've reborn. BUHAHA! ! ha.

I can't wait to see what the effects of this may be, but I'm pretty sure they are the up most fulfilling, as a rational self-educated, human being(see what I did there? I have no reason to be modest right now. so get used to it).


English isn't my native language but, wtf? I've read enough cracked.com lately. So I think, I might have learnt some.

I need a subject right now and it seems there isn't any, to come in handy, at this time of the night. I wish to test my new skills on something... I haven't slept in 20 hours but everything's fine. I'm grateful that I finally got into this situation of total wakeness(fuck this word, as it wouldn't spell correctly).

Sun's up in a minute... boring, heh.

I've watched lolikon(or lolicon) today... after my 14 yr old brother told me about it. I was a bit shocked.
Oh well, I think it doesn't have anything to do with it.

The fact that I realized my ex-girlfriend's every intention from beginning to end, now that might've got something to do with it... it certainly has. This also means a confrontation's due ASAP. I'm not going into details already! there's no time.

Lalalala... a random word generator would do, I guess.

I earlier realized that people that live only because are scared of dying, aren't to be trusted(and all that that implies). I'll write about this later.

Until then... iHave needs and so do you! let's be friends.

Love ya!